It’s Halloween! In honour of the occasion I’ve compiled a handy checklist of things to do to SCARE those pesky visitors away from your website!
Fog-shrouded mystery
Make sure visitors can’t tell what your site is about. Don’t give away any clues! They get spooked and run away.
Maze of hallways
Have eccentric, inconsistent navigation so they can’t find what they’re looking for. They plumb the depths of despair and realise they’re going round in circles. Eventually they spy an exit and run away.
Chamber of tortures
Make the text too small, or in a low-quality font, or all squished up together. Your pages hurt their eyes. They run away.
Assault on the senses
Use a colour scheme that’s pallid, disgusting or psychedelically confusing. They clutch their heads and run away.
Strange obsession
Talk about yourself – all the freakin’ time. They excuse themselves – then run away.
Soulless husk
They look into the eyes of your site – and no living personality looks back. It reaches towards them… and they run away.
The more of these you apply, the more you can be sure they’ll leave you alone to conduct your arcane experiments or dig your secret uranium mine.
“Zoinks! It was Old Man Gray all the time!”
Drat. I would have succeeded if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.
If you’d prefer to exorcise the scary bits from your site, check out the ways we could work together.
Art by Culhain Games and Octavirate Entertainment.